Comparison is The Thief of Joy
A while back, I got one of those journal-prompt notebooks in hopes it would inspire me to start writing again. One night, I finally sat down and started writing responses down to a handful of prompts. I came across one that asked how I take time to reward myself when I accomplish something or meet a goal that I set. I remember immediately writing down, “I never do anything that I feel is worth rewarding’”. I starred the corner of the page, laughed a bit, and said to myself “hmm yeah better come back to this one, there’s a lot to unpack here.” So, this is me unpacking, months later, because I’m a master procrastinator, but hey, better late than never I suppose. The reason I’m sharing this is because I think many people can relate to thoughts that they aren’t doing enough or are good enough. What I’ve realized is...what the f*ck does it even mean to be “good enough” anyway? By whose standards and exactly by what terms of conditions are we trying to live up to? The fact is that there is no blueprint for how we should be, what we should have accomplished, or where we should be in life by a certain age. Not a single other person in this world is you, so how does it make sense to even begin comparing your life to anyone else’s? We live in a world where validation and instant gratification have become the driving forces behind everything we do. We want to be liked, appreciated, and praised and when we don’t receive this kind of positive feedback, we feel we’ve failed. We’ve been conditioned to view our accomplishments in a glass-half-empty sort of light, as if it’s never enough and, honestly, with this kind of mindset, nothing will ever be enough. There will always be someone to compare ourselves to, someone who has “done more”.
Recently, I’ve found myself struggling to escape this mindset as I transition from college to real life. (Because everything before this was all pretend life obviously). My social media feeds are filled with people accepting incredible job opportunities, moving into big cities in beautiful apartments, people getting engaged, having babies, the list goes on. It can be hard to be on social media and not draw comparisons. That’s not to say that people shouldn’t publicly celebrate their own successes, they most definitely should. That’s the whole point, we should be proud of our accomplishments and go on and show 'em off if we want! What I’m trying to say is, just like everything else, success is relative and we shouldn’t minimize our accomplishments based on anyone else’s. If getting out of bed is a struggle for you every day, but you still managed to this morning, tell yourself you’re proud for doing so. If you got out of that toxic relationship, made yourself dinner for the first time all week, found yourself saying no to something you didn’t want to do, take the time to thank yourself. Furthermore, whether you’re working two jobs just to make ends meet or are sacrificing your time to be at home to raise your family, whatever it may be, doing your best is something that should always be celebrated.
Life is weird and life is unfair, and sure, it’s easy to say that some people were given a better hand than others, but this isn’t about anyone other than you. Your life hasn’t been like any others’, so your accomplishments are unmatched compared to anyone else’s. That doesn’t mean that any single person is better or worse than you. No matter where you’re at in life or how societally “successful” you may be, we’ve all felt this pressure of not doing enough or being enough at some point in our lives. The reality is that the person you may be comparing yourself to is probably comparing themselves to someone else as well.
Our society has made it increasingly easier to feel like we should be doing this or that. We should not only go to college, but complete our education and get a “practical” job by our early 20s. We should be in a relationship and settled down by this age and we should start a family by that age. (ugh major eye roll). I found a quote (which unfortunately did not name an author) that spoke of how we’re so concerned with domesticating our lives and doing everything the “right way” and right away. What we’re doing in the process of this is slowly drowning ourselves in made up deadlines rather than allowing ourselves the grace that should be given with the process of trial and error. We forget that taking risks and making mistakes is actually a good thing. It’s important to remind ourselves of this and make a conscious effort not to allow what we see people around us doing diminish what we’ve done to get to where we are today.
Furthermore, we should bask in the comfort of knowing that wherever we’re at in the timeline of our lives, it’s okay. It’s okay to simply live your life day by day, figuring things out as you go. And, as far as anyone is concerned, we don’t know how long these timelines of ours will be so, crudely put, f*ck following the trend if it isn’t what suits you and f*ck the glares you’ll receive from anyone that hasn’t opened their minds to this realization yet.
And, as always, just a friendly reminder that progress isn’t linear. It’s okay to mess up and it’s okay to change your mind. Get back up again. Start over, even if it feels like the hundredth time this week.
